Time for some Touching!

I've noticed over the last two days, that drivers are very courteous on Berlin's roads. They are glad to pause and allow me to cross the strasse, etc. They are speedy, but strategically careful.

Bikers on the other hand are not. Twice in two days, I have inadvertently been walking on the sidewalk bikepath and been very nearly accosted by cyclists:

Incident 1 - Ask not for whom the horn blows . . . - The first time, a rider pedaled directly up behind me like the Hamburglar and then honked a very loud menacing horn loudly, inches from my petrified corpse! This was apparently easier, then say . . . I don't know . . . making a wide swath around me!?!?

Incident 2 - Full Contact - The second time, the rider swerved around me, resuming the bike path millimeters from me at full speed (without a word), deliberately leaning in so that he violently brushed my shoulder.

Analysis: The first case, was my fault, I was not aware that riders were encouraged to take to the sidewalks instead of the road. The second time, I had stepped aside to let a gaggle of school children pass (walking hand in hand), so that they would not have to break their safety daisy-chain. This rider was just being pesky (from the Latin Biggus Assius). Why I oughta!

Now that I'm aware, I may have to use my ACME grappling hook on the next smart-alecky biker. I'm beginning to think that they're on two wheels, because they were deemed unfit for four!!!

A more positive observance: for the second night I have sat outdoors at a streetside cafe for dinner, while the Euro 2008 Football (Soccer) Tournament is played. Crowds of Europeans (all nationalities) gather before large flat-screen restaurant TVs and enthusiastically watch the game during dinner al fresco. There is nothing like watching the collective joy and dismay as goals are attempted, lost and won over the course of an evening. The roar of a stadium crowd pouring out a hundred small speakers across a neighborhood, and the reflection of tiny players scampering across an other-worldly green pitch are unique sensations.

Because I’m jet-lagged and not a stakeholder in the outcome of these games . . . I rise, pay my bill, and wander home on empty streets. As I pass open Kneipes (Pub), homes, restaurants and shoppes . . . a nation is transfixed by the outcome of their game (Germany vs. Portugal in this case). Talk about a unified Germany!!

Last night I went shopping at the Plus grocery store. What a hoot. There are a number of German brands attempting to cash in on the international cache’ of the English language. My favorite examples:

Touching Toilet Paper – The only thing you don’t want to do to Toilet Paper.

Serving Paper Towels – Hey, this steak taste like paper towels!

My Fellow Dog Food – Lend me your ears . . . I bet.

Balisto Yogurt - When you really need an I.C.B.M.

Corny-Free Granola Bars - I bet you wish this BLOG was Corny-free.

Clusters Cereal - Don't spill this in bed, or you-know-what . . .

Silence! The Queen of Table Waters - (I love this!) The next time I'm sitting at a restaurant table next to a screaming Baby, I'm going to order some and send it to their table . . . and have the waiter add "The Queen of Orlando invites you to revel in the Queen of Table Waters."

Funniest Name of a Store:
Ay, Imbiss! An imbiss is a snack bar. And the person who works there is the "imbiss-ile." Next time you see one yell, Ay, Imbiss-ile!

Weirdest Name of a Store:
On the Ku'damm there's a Croissant Shop called: CROBAG
Would you eat out of a Crobag, I ask you?!

You can't say you weren't warned:
All over Berlin there's an Egyption gas station chain called "Agip." "A gip" indeed.